Of Bak Kut Teh.

Just had Bak Kut Teh, which turned out pretty good despite (1) not having any previous Bak Kut Teh cooking experience and (2) having no idea where things are in Sarah’s kitchen. Can’t decide who made it too. Guess I’m settling for ‘us’, the progenitors of the throat-busting, strangely murky-looking, yet utterly delicious soup.

It’s a strange thing really, having all these things come in at the same time. Applications for Masters, thesis, planning for next year’s thesis, assignments, exams, holidays… you name it. I don’t even know how long I want to be in Singapore when I get back in January next year. Or even where I will be staying.

On a side note, Sarah’s iTunes hates me. It spits out music to accompany any mood I seem to be in, which is kind of cute, but frustrating. Vertical Horizon’s ‘Best I Ever Had’ just mourned into life.

I guess I’m in a process of redefining me. Who I am, now that a couple of chapters in my life are irrevocably simultaneously coming to a close.

Char did say that I would be a lot more ‘dateable’ if I was a little more self-centred, and a lot less self-sacrificing. If I cared to fight harder for what I want instead of always taking a step back.

Sarah’s iTunes just started playing Goo Goo Dolls’ Iris. See what I mean?

Thing is, she's probably right. I’m just not used to living for ‘me’, I find it inestimably easier to live for other people. I don’t feel as if I have a right to ‘own’ my life, because I figure that my life isn’t mine. It’s a gift that’s inherently bound with a sacred charge to make a difference.

Char’s always telling me to go and be happy. Thing is, I’m happy when I’m spending time with people. I’m happy that I’m sitting on Sarah’s floor typing this while she’s plugging away at work. I’m happy when I’m sitting in Poon’s study pretending to play his guitar. I’m happy when I’m playing Magic with the boys. I’m happy when I’m sitting in Char’s car talking about things. Other than that, I’m just content. Often morose.

Thing is, I really really really hate being alone. By myself. I feel… empty… when no one else I care about is around. When I have no one to talk to.

EvilTunes™ is now playing Alphaville’s ‘Forever Young’.

I don't want to be forever young. But sleeping forever is strangely tempting.

Oh CRAP. Third Eye Blind's 'Jumper' just started playing.

I swear my life has a soundtrack.

Douglas Adams once wrote, "[Arthur] felt that his whole life was some kind of dream, and he sometimes wondered whose it was, and whether they were enjoying it."

I wonder who's listening to my soundtrack?