Empty.

I spoke to Diane today and learned three things. (1) That her grandaunt passed on and she’s going to Kuala Lumpur tonight to be there for the funeral. (2) That she misses me. (3) That she wants me to stay in Australia and get my Masters.

What I didn’t hear was how much she cared. Or how much she wants me back in Singapore. That hurt, intentionally or otherwise.

I guess I should be in Australia next year. Love is not a one-way street, but sometimes I feel that it is turning that way. I can only wait so long. For all intents and purposes I am effectively single.

I want someone to fight for me. I’d like to believe that I am worth fighting for.

Amelia suggested that Diane might be keeping me in her back pocket because she’s not going to meet as stable or reliable a guy, hence she wants to hold on to me while she has her fun.

So I’ve been feeling a little lonely and melancholic today. As if the friends I have aren’t quite enough to plug that emotional hole in me (Even though they are very good friends). I feel unusually unmotivated to do school work; and unlike me normally, I have an assignment due Wednesday that I’ve barely scratched the surface of.

I did spend some time with Joe and Daryl playing Magic though, the mental stimulation helped, but did little to banish that strange melancholia.

What do you do when someone you haven’t seen in nine months, someone who hasn’t called in ages, someone you’d drop everything and return home for, tells you that (effectively) she’s okay with not seeing you for another two years?

I just feel so unmotivated.

On a side note, happy 24th birthday, Ms. Sarah-Anne Tan! Hope you’re not getting too smashed as I write this.