Ad hoc carpe diem.

Regret comes in many forms. Often we encounter regret by not moving faster, or by not taking chances. Sometimes regret sneaks out of the darkness to hit you in the face.

Some escape regret by making the right choices. Others minimise regret by always looking forwards. Some wallow in the choices they made, or didn’t make. Sometimes we fight to come to terms with the past, or the uncertain future, or the possibility of maybe that we didn’t take. Would life have been any different? Would things have changed? Would we be happier or sadder for making those choices?

The only surety is that the path never travelled always seems greener than the one taken.

There is a curious timing in life. Specific windows of opportunity to either reach out and touch someone, or be closed to that person. Lately, my timing seems off. I can’t say very much without making some persons angry with me for reasons that I only sometimes understand. Or I only make the right choices ad hoc.

I’m tired of having Sarah pissed off at me just because she takes offence when I complain that I am feeling stressed because of the work left undone.

Carpe diem! Yet I never seem to take opportunity when it’s presented. Sometimes I’m too caught up in doing what’s right and good and just, that I don’t get the things that I want in most aspects of my life.

Curious irony. I reject selfishness, yet I regret not being selfish at times.

So which is the larger regret then? The choices I never made, or the person that I am that never made those choices at the opportune times.

Sometimes I fear that being the nice bloke is all there is to me. And if that is so, then why do I even bother to stay around here? No. Regret doesn’t cause you pain, sometimes it rules your life; and all you want is out.