Structures and systems.

I really miss school. I miss engaging my mind academically. I miss the kind of structure and pressures that having multiple commitments brings.

Being Singaporean, I guess I do function best under multiple pressures. I guess I’m so used to having no time for myself that I fumble when I have too much time to myself.

As much as I like to keep each facet of my life separate, whenever I’m off-centre, things bleed over and affect other areas. Admittedly, keeping balance is hard without structure – an ordered system of what and where and when and how to live.

Too much structure is equally bad. I understand the temptation. When you’re slotted into the system, there’s no time or need to think. It’s easier to give up and be mindless, precisely because it is mindless. I used to wonder why the fire in some of my friends went out. Guess I know. It’s easier to zombie through life than to live it.

Then again, since when did I ever do things the easy way?

I think that when I sort out the balance between structure and autonomy in my life, I'll naturally fall back into balance inside.