Idiocy. Again.

I hate myself sometimes.

Start out with a perfect day, go out, have lunch, go shopping, go to the beach… even squeeze in a time for sitting and just chatting. Perfect. Just as absolutely perfect as a day can get. I’m happy. Everything’s absolutely bloody fantastic, and then I go spoil it all by saying the dumbest thing ever.

The damn foot-in-mouth moments. I hate myself.

Try to say something in a silly whiny puppy eyes kind of way, and it comes out as sounding mean. Then let myself dwell on that stupidity and don’t think about the next thing that I’m saying. Can you imagine the idiocy of reacting to myself react to myself? Damn I’m tired, but that’s still no excuse, I should bloody know better.

Please forgive me, I can be a complete jackass sometimes.

Edit: You know what's the weird thing? I just thought about God for a second. Just wondered what His plan is for me when I'm such an idiot. And I swear I felt someone say 'Don't worry, everything's going to be alright'. Lord knows I didn't hear it, but I FELT it. It's almost as if it came unbidden into my mind. Except that it came with this strange feeling of peace and acceptance, and I know it's not from me. I just started crying. I don't know why. It feels safe. It feels right.