Sense of self.

I tend to over-analyse the reasons behind my thoughts, feelings and actions. It’s a bad habit. In trying to figure out the underlying ‘why’, I doubt my immediate reactions.

I think we find out about ourselves when we observe how we think, feel and react in specific situations, particularly in our relationships with others. If who you are determines what you do, then shouldn’t what you do be indicative of who you are?

I know who I am; but lately, some of my actions and reactions defy my sense of self. I find myself being challenged by others over my thoughts and actions.

I feel threatened because being challenged about actions implies a challenge to my sense of self. Especially when those actions (which appear rational to me) are revealed to be contrary to the person I believe myself to be. They disrupt my sense of self, and make me ask ‘am I really like that?’

It hurts when your sense of self is battered by challenge and doubt. I guess that’s part of the reason why I react the way I do. It hurts, plus I don’t want or like to think about it, so I lash out. A consistent sense of self is important to me.

I find that only people you let close to you can really hurt you. It may be in my own self-interest to not let anyone get that close. However, that’s not the kind of person I am, so it’s difficult to reconcile.